Category Archives: TV and Film

Eurovision: Robot Wars style

Ahh, Eurovision. It’s awful, but it makes awfully good television. I’ll be keeping up my trend of the last few years of watching it with pizza and friends and keeping score as I go along.

Previously, I chose my favourites primarily on headwear (Moldova were clear winners last year) but this time I’m following the lead of my friend Alex and going by Robot Wars rules, as he started last year:


Keen Robot Wars fans will note he missed out control, but we’ll let it slide this time

So, if you want to play along like that – I’ve made a Eurovision score card you can print off for tonight! It’s got all the songs and criteria, and just choose how you want to fill it in. I’d say do each out of five and add it up.

How you define ‘damage’ is also up to you.

So, click here to download the score card, and print it off so you can enjoy Eurovision with a touch of Robot Wars.

Obviously, thanks to Alex for the idea.

P.S. If you’ve come here via Google looking for an actual card, check out the Eurovision website.

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Do a better job on the box (3/52)

As a fan of television (I know, a broad statement) I have to say I’ve been a bit disappointed recently. We’re in a bit of a January lull where the phrase “there’s piss all on telly tonight” is being muttered so often it’s at risk of becoming a catchphrase.

The annoyance got deeper this week with the BBC cancelling my favourite show on BBC Three (and I think my thoughts on the rest of that channel are pretty well known), Mongrels. They’ve probably got decent reasons, particularly with their attempts to Deliver Quality* First (*terms and conditions may apply), but each week there seems to be another show facing the axe. Shooting Stars, Something for the Weekend… soon there’ll be nothing on the BBC left and although that’d mean they wouldn’t spend any money the usual suspects would find a way of moaning about it.

At times the BBC seems to be like one of the all-time great artists who just happens also be a self-harming alcoholic psychotic. They’ll create something glorious like Stargazing Live but then proceed to cut their own leg off, pick up a newspaper, scream “WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE ME”, down a bottle of whisky and orders another series of Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents.

So with them limping along until Hustle gets put down in a few weeks time, I’m left to look elsewhere for TV shows – and a recent commission has caught my eye. Enter The Exclusives, for ITV 2, where six hopefuls will compete for a 12 month job on a Bauer magazine.

There are about one million different potential flaws with this show that it’s hard to know where to start. But maybe it’s best to go in with an open mind. Maybe it won’t be like The Apprentice and just do ridiculous tasks for television entertainment so no-one notices that making sausages is essential to knowing how to run a business, it won’t ridicule the industry of journalism and so portraying it in an interesting light and maybe it won’t act like famous people and red carpet events are the be all and end all of the universe.

But on the other hand it is on ITV 2.

The thing that bugs me is that it’s another example of working being seen as a prize. And the winner is… YOU! Wow! Well done! You’ve earned the right to earn a wage! At least they’re offering a 12-month contract (which is pretty good going these days). Up For Hire attempted to solve record-high youth unemployment by getting national companies to offer a handful of 3-month Christmas temp positions each.

This weekend Iain Duncan Smith told the Sunday Times he thought the graduate who had to work at Poundland without pay to stay on jobseekers’ allowance was a “snooty so-and-so”, saying “…it’s a human right for the taxpayer to know you’re doing something productive instead of wafting around looking for the job you want while someone else pays for it.”

Apparently, wanting money in exchange for work seems to be an unacceptable, snooty high standard these days. It’s not about that stacking shelves is ‘below’ someone, rather that large companies shouldn’t be using unpaid labour in this way.

Every time someone asks me what I’m going to do after university I just say “find a job that pays money”. Unfortunately, that’s already a hard task. And now I’m supposed to think that wanting a wage is an unacceptably high standard.

Maybe I’ll just sit down and watch some telly. Hopefully there’ll be something better on.

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What came first, the Netflix or the egg? (2/52)

The last time I got excited about a streaming service was SeeSaw. The dream of having one website with a large wealth of TV series to watch at any time legally distracted me from the fact it came in to being as the unwanted child of a tricky relationship meaning the chance of it taking off was… well, the less said about that, the better.

So I took the news that Netflix, a service popular in the US, was launching in the UK I decided to tone down my excitement. I waited at least half the day before signing up for the free trial.

Not for the ‘flix’ part of it. Oh no, I’m not particularly a fan of films. Sure, I enjoy them and watch them, but ask if you want to stick on a DVD and I’ll already be half way through a binge of Boston Legal.

It’s for series binges like that which is why I want a service like Netflix to succeed. Say you want to watch a random TV show from a couple of years back. Maybe Moving Wallpaper, a funny series on ITV a few years back. My options now are… DVD? What if I don’t want to own it? In many cases, things are available on iTunes, although as a Windows user I consider that software as being the devil’s work.

There have got to be hundreds of TV series which people aren’t buying on DVDs. Maybe the repeat fees on Sky channel 742 are still coming in, but they’re not great. I’m sure the companies have all sorts of internal reasoning for not just licensing out archives more, but as a consumer, it makes no sense. There’s a chance for those shows to still make some money.

Think of it like the music industry. Sure, there was radio and physical media. And then MP3s. But subscription services, videos on YouTube, Spotify… make it easy, less people will pirate, more money can be made.

Channel 4 have caught this idea well with a long list of series available on 4OD. Sell some ad spots round them, it’s not cannibalising the Father Ted repeats on More4 but making content people want to watch more available. Oh, and they’ve put their content on SeeSaw (RIP), YouTube…

510736_Netflix 1 Month Free Trial - Instantly Watch Unlimited Films and TV Episodes

Which leads me to Netflix. It’s got a great starting selection of shows, some American and British and the streaming is working pretty good. I’ve already enjoyed watching The Thick of It, but it pales in size to the (more established) US service. For a service to really take off, it will need more on there to watch – but will companies be willing to license more of their shows until they know there’s enough customers to be making much money from it?

Hopefully after the success of Netflix and the instant streaming in the US the precedent can be proven, and we’ll see regular updates – and my thirst to watch random programmes can be properly served.

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The vicious cycle of BBC Three (4/52)

Alongside “Blog Saturday”, the latest addition to my calendar is “Gypsy Tuesday”. This doesn’t mean that for 24 hours I reside in a caravan as part of an illegal camp and marry the first woman I lay eyes upon, rather it’s when I gather with friends to catch the must-see television event of the week – the return of “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”.

Why’s it so good? Mainly because gypsies are just funny. When a four year old walks out in a dress that’s twice her body weight it’s impossible not to laugh.

Sure, “grabbing”, where gypsy males force themselves upon what they consider their meat choice of the night, is a disgusting trait but gypsies just appear to be in their own bizarre ridiculous world that’s so far removed from life, sense and morality as we know it that you can’t really treat it as real.

This might also be because of the gypsy facts created by Scott, Dean, Ofori and I while watching. They’re like Stig facts, but even more bizarre. Though strangely more plausible.

For instance, did you know that all gypsies share a telepathic field that allows them to know when and where the next wedding takes place? That the gypsy with the most rings is the gypsy king? And that any gypsy over 40 that isn’t married evolves into a caravan?

And as Ofori revealed, the word ‘rape’ isn’t in gypsy vocabulary, only ‘courtship’.
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Hardly famous and even less fearless (2/52)

January 2011 has seen us catapulted in to a brave new world of television. For the first time in ages, Channel 4 didn’t have a Big Brother spinoff to start a year of original and innovative broadcasting.

In order to stop further damage to the country’s economy by a torrent of talentless celebrities being left to wander job centres, the channel commissioned the week-long series “Famous and Fearless” as a form of public service.

It’s a simple concept where famous people take on dangerous and impressive stunts fearlessly and the trailer – featuring Chris Evans crashing on a motorbike jump – made it all seem quite exciting. Maybe that was more the Chris Evans crashing moment.

The show was inevitably a letdown – filled with enough padding to keep the oldest house warm but the most energetic it got was when… uh… someone twisted their ankle? That was pretty wild. It turns out the only accurate word of the title was “and”. That is, unless you find watching the spawn of the sperm of Richard Branson in a buggy particularly thrilling.
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Everything looks better with a fez

“It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.”

The final episode of this year’s series of Doctor Who saw The Doctor (Matt Smith) don the red headwear in a moment which led to the biggest fashion trend this summer. In my mind, anyway. There might not have been a run on the shops yet.

Since I was given a fez a few days after the episode was shown on TV, I’ve since been randomly wearing it around and it certainly gets my fashion approval (as does corduroy). This has led me to a theory which I’ve started to put to the test…

Everything looks better with a fez.

Well, Doctor Who characters do.
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